Goat Simulator 3 – Review
Back in 2014, an unsuspecting public was hit with the original Goat Simulator. There were obvious issues, but the game seemed to embrace them, almost take pleasure in them. Even though the “Flappy Goat” achievement drove me completely insane, I still count it as one of my most accomplished Xbox goals.
So, after all that rambling, here’s where we’re going: No, you didn’t miss the second game in the Goat Simulator series; this is the third game in the series. In fact, the developers, Coffee Stain Studios, have offered a variety of explanations for the numbering scheme; however, that is beside the point at present. Let’s see if we can’t answer that question with Goat Simulator 3: can the developer top themselves after the success of the original?
Usually at this point in a review, I’d talk about the game’s story. Since there isn’t a paragraph here, I’ll make this one short. This isn’t a drawback because the game is essentially a sandbox, allowing the player to do whatever they please. My best advice is to see the opening cut scene through to the end, if for no other reason than to earn an achievement. What comes next is entirely up to your own sense of adventure.
And how does the game unfold, exactly? To be frank, it’s not too different from the first Goat Simulator. We begin the game as a goat, but as we progress, more and more character choices become available. Whether you want to look like a scarecrow, a giraffe, or a shark on a skateboard (the latter is my personal favourite because the shark’s animation as he scoots along is hilarious), along with the many other visual customization options available for purchase, you can make your avatar look like anything you want. At one point, I was carrying an elderly woman in a rocking chair while carrying a bazooka on my back and pretending to be a scarecrow. From there, the game only got more ridiculous.
Sound effects in the game include a variety of goat noises and the screams of innocent bystanders who are kicked, butted, and run over by a goat driving a truck (yes, really). However, the actual implementation of the ideas is still a little shaky, with a camera that sometimes has trouble keeping up and various clipping, glitching, and graphical pop-in issues. Sometimes the visuals are a little jumbled, to be honest. It’s got some bugs, but then again, it wouldn’t be a Goat Simulator without them.
The gameplay is both unique and completely bonkers. Goat Simulator 3’s main features are its open-world design and its abundance of Easter eggs. Easter eggs in the sense of references and winks to other media rather than actual chocolate ones. Quite a few of these exist, and they range from a parody of Wolfenstein 3D to a reference to the Megaton decision in Fallout 3. As a result of these allusions, you may unlock new clothing and weapons, like the classic blue and yellow jumpsuit from Fallout.
In other words, you’ll have to do some digging around to find them. The map we’re looking at is pretty big, and it has a lot of different places to discover and check out. A farm, a zoo, rural areas, urban centres, and more are all hidden within. Getting around by car becomes essential, and while the mechanic won’t keep Forza Horizon 5 up at night, it does its job satisfactorily.
If you happen to be in an area with a mission available, Goat Simulator 3 will let you know by highlighting the area and providing a hint as to what you should do. These can range from the straightforward, such as the mission titled “The Big Red Button,” whose objective is to locate and press a button, to the obscure, such as the mission titled “Take Care of Some Seeds,” the details of which I am still struggling to decipher.
Aside from headbutting and kicking objects, jumping on them, and licking them, there aren’t many other ways to interact with the game world. In one mission, you are tasked with starting some wind turbines, and you must first install batteries, which can be done by licking the items that make up the turbines. To install batteries, one must first locate one, lick it, and then (why not?) climb a ladder. And, if you can believe it, this is actually one of the more reasonable missions. What’s the point of completing all these missions if there’s no payoff? You begin the game with access to a Goat Tower, which, by opening additional floors and rooms, can be transformed into a massive castle.
The addition of multiplayer is a major upgrade over previous versions. You can play with whoever you want from the internet, and it’s utter chaos. In other words, we didn’t spend the night giggling and ramming our cars into each other despite being surrounded by the top reviewers from TheXboxHub. You can complete the same types of missions in multiplayer as you can in single player, and there may even be some features exclusive to multiplayer. These are optional side activities; if your party members aren’t interested, they can always skip them.
The minigames range from the tedious (“Hoofball”) to the hilarious (“King of the Hill,” in which players must actually stand atop a stack of hay bales) and include such classics as “Hide and Seek,” where players must lick an object in order to hide inside it and one player must lick all the objects in the room to determine who is hiding where. Pretending to be a cash register in this one is surprisingly funny, adding to the game’s already high entertainment value. Let’s just say that the multiplayer mode is where Goat Simulator 3 truly shines.
Therefore, a verdict is required, and it is a challenging one. Playing Goat Simulator 3 can make you feel rough around the edges. However, this has always been the case with Goat Simulator. When I put on my cynical hat, I can’t help but feel like the development team intentionally introduced glitches and other forms of artificiality. The game never feels natural, and instead always feels like it’s trying to be quirky and zany. Even without other players, it’s still a good time on your own.
If you liked the first Goat Simulator, Goat Simulator 3 is an easy sell. If you’ve never tried it, you’re in for a wild ride.
