Destroy All Humans! – Clone Carnage – Review
THQ flooded gamers with yearly sequels and an onslaught of edgy TV ads in the mid-2000s, making Destroy All Humans! games seem ubiquitous for a short time. However, the invasion came to an abrupt end, just as it had begun. Three years and three Destroy All Humans games later, the series seemed to be done for good after the initial release in 2005.
THQ Nordic has enlisted Black Forest Games (Giana Sisters, Titan Quest) to remake the original Destroy All Humans for a new generation of gamers. Does this relic from the mid-2000s still hold up? The question is whether or not it was ever really that good. Does this franchise still require a day of national observance to mark its end? It’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty…
Crypto-137, a Jack Nicholson-sounding want tobe despot from the technologically advanced Furon alien race, is the protagonist of the Destroy All Humans! franchise for those who are unfamiliar. Despite the fact that the Furons use cloning to reproduce (we see Crypto-137 appear after Crypto-136 is offed), their genetic stock is being depleted. When Crypto-137 arrives on Earth, he is given the task of harvesting human brains for DNA, which he can only do by violently removing them from their bodies. This is the only way he knows how to obtain the DNA. A Men-in-Black-like organisation, corrupt politicians, and the US military are all involved in his journey. It’s possible that the plot is a little too convoluted for its own good, but the end goal is always the same – eliminate all humans.
In Destroy All Humans, the new version reuses the original game’s script and voice acting almost word-for-word, which is a rather questionable creative move. A 15-year-old intentionally-edgy game isn’t going to get my attention because it’s offensive, and there’s even an in-game content warning for those that don’t know what they’re getting into. That being said, this game is hysterically funny. When it comes to jokes, if you’re a fan of Jessica Simpson and “don’t tell” jokes in 2020, your life is about to get even better than you’ve ever dreamed of.
Even if the script for Destroy All Humans is a little dated, at least the game’s visuals have been improved. Even though the game’s cartoony character models aren’t particularly eye-catching, the game’s environments can be quite lovely, and the explosions you set off while riding in your saucer are surprising badass.. Although there are some hiccups during cutscenes, the overall framerate is rock-solid, and there aren’t many of the LOD pop-in and other visual glitches that come with mid-budget games like this. There should be no surprise here, given that this game was originally designed to run on PlayStation 2, but the level of craftsmanship on display here is refreshing.
As a multi-tooled assassin, Crypto-137 can fly with a jetpack, telekinetically hurl objects and enemies, use weapons like the Zap-o-Matic and Disintegrator Ray, as well as the infamous Anal Probe, and use a wide range of mental powers on humans. You can now lift a tank with PK while flying and then drop it on a group of enemies while shooting them with your ray gun in this new version of Destroy All Humans. It’s not necessary to use this kind of high-level strategy, because the game itself isn’t very difficult. Many of Crypto’s abilities and upgrades feel like they’re unnecessary, making him seem overly powerful. You’ll probably spend the first third to a half of the campaign trying to remember what all the buttons do if the controls aren’t simplified.
“Throw everything at the wall and see what sticks” is a novel approach to mission design in Destroy All Humans. From abducting a local beauty queen to detonating a nuclear bomb to killing the President of the United States, every mission is unique. Crypto’s ability to disguise himself as a holographic version of any human he encounters allows him to collect information, sneak into restricted areas, and impersonate important people in many of the game’s missions. In the presence of certain enemies, the holographic mask fades quickly, but scanning the thoughts of additional humans can help you maintain your disguise. Despite its flaws, the DAH approach to stealth is far superior to the dreary practise of crawling past enemy vision cones. Additionally, there are a variety of action sequences and boss fights, as well as flying saucer destruction challenges.
Variety in Destroy All Humans can be a blessing and a curse at the same time, as not all of the game’s missions are made equal. Unbalanced base defence and escort challenges can be found in the later stages of the game, which can be frustrating. Unfortunately, due to Black Forest’s superficial remaking of DAH, we must play through the game’s less successful missions, which could have been improved with some basic updates and balance adjustments.
The fact that Destroy All Humans’ 20 or so missions are spread out over only six different locations also contributes to the game’s repetitive nature, even though the mission design is varied (five really, since the introductory Farm locale is only used once). Even with new bonus objectives, open-world challenges, and even a new “lost” mission, this remains a game you can beat in 5 to 7 hours and fully complete in around double that time, despite the developers’ best efforts. Despite this, Destroy All Humans is only $30, making it a good investment of your planetary currency.
